Easier times...

After the third month things got a bit easier, but I still had my bad days...

Fourth month - For some reason I started to miss my ex again.  It felt like I took two steps back because I started to get depressed, feel lonely, unloved, and misunderstood again.  I had to miss work a couple days because I was just too sad to get out of the house.  I had been doing really good but for some unknown reason, I decided to try to get my ex back one more time.  I figured that enough time had passed, and since now we would hardly talk and see each other, I figured that maybe she missed me too... So I bought her some presents and asked her to meet me at my house.  I begged her some more and explained to her that I still loved her with my all; I gave her the presents that I had bought her and in exchange I received the last few things that I had forgotten at her house.  I cried a lot and she told me one more time to not force things and  to let God do his job but I could not let her play with my heart any more.  I told her I needed to hear her tell me that she had moved on completely and to stop giving me false hope, I needed her to tell me that she was now happy with someone else and that we were not meant to be.  She finally did it.  Even though her actions had already told me what I wanted to hear, her words made me strong enough to tell her that it was the last time we would see each other.  She got a text message, said she had to go and left me there crying.

Fifth month - After I stopped seeing my ex, I started having more good days than bad days.  I would hang out with different friends, with my parents, my cousins, or just at home by myself.  I also went to four concerts of my favorite artists, and to watch a soccer game.  It felt good to be out, enjoying myself, and doing things that I had stopped doing because of my ex. I felt at peace.  Of course I still had my bad days, and the nightmares would come once in a while, but I felt better.  I would notice that I would think about her less and less every time, and that would make me smile.

Sixth month - Still missing my ex, how lame!! this month was a tough one because it was full of memories.  It would have been our anniversary and it was also my birthday.  I was full of stress because of other things that were going on, and I hated my ex for not being there for me... However, I began to miss her once again.  Towards the middle of the month I emailed my ex telling her that I didn't think it was fair that she still wanted to have contact with all my close friends and family members.  I began getting sad again and I would cry myself to sleep almost every night.  It didn't help that she would text me telling me that she still missed me, would finish her messages with "I love you", and would still call me "baby" and all the names she used to call me when we were together.  I finally had the courage to delete her from my Facebook page, I also deleted all the pictures I had on my phone, email, and computer; along with all the messages and emails.  A few days later I sent her an e-card saying that she was always going to be special to me, and the day that would have been our anniversary I sent her a message telling her that I loved her but to please not reply. 

Even though I still have my bad days, I like to look back and see how far I have come.  I have learned about myself and about all the mistakes that I made and that I do not wish to repeat in the future.  I have been able to make new friends, reconnect with old friends, and bond with people that are special to me.  I began to do things that I used to enjoy doing prior to meeting my ex and that I had stopped doing.  I got new hobbies, I began to volunteer at a rescue mission, I went back to school to learn about stuff that I enjoy, and I began exercising.  Slowly I am starting to feel more and more like myself again.