A year later...

I am completely over her, and now that I look back, I see how stupid it was for me to beg her and wait for her for so long; but it was all part of the process.  This was my first real relationship, I shared my life with her for five years, I lived with her for three years, and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her at one point.  This was also my first real breakup and it taught me a lot.  I am still single and at this point, I am not looking for anyone.  I had not been this happy in many years and right now, I just want to enjoy my life, focus on myself, and do things I enjoy doing without all the stress of being in a relationship.  I will find the right person whenever God decides that it is the right time. 

Now that I look back I realize that God has a plan for everyone.  My relationship with her was always a mistake for various reasons, that is why we were never truly happy.  We were just not meant for each other and I can see that clearly now.  It took me almost an entire year to get completely over her, but now that there are no feelings involved I can see that it was not real love.  I loved her because we shared many special moments together, but I am not and was not in love with her, I was simply used to always being around her and to doing everything together.  All the pain that I felt was due to her hurting my pride by putting me aside and due to her leaving me all alone.  I did not know what to do with myself; I was scared of what was coming and scared of change.  I had never been without someone by my side and I was just terrified.  On top of that I was hurt by all the things she did to me as a friend. 

I know what to expect in the future now.  Things always happen for a reason, and better things always come.  I am thankful that she left me and that she never got back with me because I learned and discovered many things about myself and about life.  I discovered who I really am as an individual and what I really want to do with my life.  For the first time ever I am comfortable with being single, being alone at home, doing things on my own, planning my own schedule, and hanging out with whoever I want whenever I want to.  All of this would not have happened if she had not left me.  All that pain and experiences made me a better and stronger individual.  I renewed my spirituality, found new hobbies, matured a lot, and now I am ready for whatever God has planned for me.  Life is great, don't ever doubt it.